and he tries to tame you
compares you to an impossible highway
to a burning house
says you are blinding him
that he could never leave you
want anything but you
you dizzy him, you are unbearable
every woman before or after you
is doused in your name
you fill his mouth
his teeth ache with memory of taste
his body just a long shadow seeking yours
but you are always too intense
frightening in the way you want him
unashamed and sacrificial
he tells you that no man can live up to the one who
lives in your head
and you tried to change didn’t you?
closed your mouth more
tried to be softer
less volatile, less awake
but even when sleeping you could feel
him traveling away from you in his dreams
so what did you want to do love
split his head open?
you can’t make homes out of human beings
someone should have already told you that
and if he wants to leave
then let him leave
you are terrifying
and strange and beautiful
something not everyone knows how to love."
— "For Women Who Are Difficult to Love," Warsan Shire (via commovente)
Ask Willie D, Houston Press, 17 July 2014:Dear Willie D: I met a young lady who is 23 years old with two kids. We have been seeing each other for about three months and I still have not rounded the bases, if you know what I mean. We were kissing one night and when I tried to take it further, she told me the next time she has sex it will be with the man she marries. I think she is full of s—-. She got pregnant twice by two men who never married her, and didn’t give a damn about her, or her kids. She’s also been with five other men — so she says. Now I come along and do all the right things: treat her good, buy her nice things, and take her out, and she wants to act like Sweet Polly Purebred. I really like her a lot, but I’m not ready for marriage. At the same time I’m a man and I have needs. Should I dump her, or hang in there and see where things go from here?
Literally every woman who has ever had sex before in her life personally owes it to you to have sex with you as well. Sex is something that women owe men who buy them things, because sex is a transaction and women’s bodies are currency.
It’s too bad that this ignorant broad can’t see how much better you are than all those entitled users she dated before who didn’t give a damn about what she wanted.
People can forgive toxic parents, but they should do it at the conclusion—not at the beginning—of their emotional housecleaning. People need to get angry about what happened to them. They need to grieve over the fact that they never had the parental love they yearned for. They need to stop diminishing or discounting the damage that was done to them. Too often, “forgive and forget” means “pretend it didn’t happen.”
I also believe that forgiveness is appropriate only when parents do something to earn it. Toxic parents, especially the more abusive ones, need to acknowledge what happened, take responsibility, and show a willingness to make amends. If you unilaterally absolve parents who continue to treat you badly, who deny much of your reality and feelings, and who continue to project blame onto you, you may seriously impede the emotional work you need to do. If one or both parents are dead, you can still heal the damage, by forgiving yourself and releasing much of the hold that they had over your emotional well-being.
At this point, you may be wondering, understandably, if you will remain bitter and angry for the rest of your life if you don’t forgive your parents. In fact, quite the opposite is true. What I have seen over the years is that emotional and mental peace comes as a result of releasing yourself from your toxic parents’ control, without necessarily having to forgive them. And that release can come only after you’ve worked through your intense feelings of outrage and grief and after you’ve put the responsibility on their shoulders, where it belongs."
— Susan Forward, Toxic Parents, ch 9 (via fromonesurvivortoanother)